Fifteen Credits

All the children, young and old, are preparing to go back to school or start school for the very first time and parents are getting ready for that first day I can't help but think back to my school days. Part of me is so glad school is over. I hated the drama and the social awkwardness. I was never good at being around people and being forced to talk and smile and be friendly. I hated the mean girls and the mean boys who mocked and made fun of of everyone. I hated struggling to make good grades while my little sister made all A's without hardly lifting a finger. I hated staying up all night long studying or finishing that paper and stressing about if it was OK or not and finally just handing in whatever I had, good or bad. After college, while all my peers prepared to go to graduate school I prepared to enter the work force. This was all I had wanted...a degree so I could start really living life.

And yet, as stressful as it was, some part of me wishes I was back there again. I miss days and nights spent with my room mate and best friend, Sara. I miss learning about first loves and heartbreaks. I miss that I wasn't really an adult yet and therefore tests and papers were my biggest problems in life and I had this future that seemed so bright to look forward to after school was over. Now, life is hard. I hate the politics and drama of adult life. I hate feeling so much stress and responsibility all the time. I want to have a little fun and not worry about my future or anything much at all. I miss the fun classes I took...ballroom dancing, astronomy, horseback riding.

Origin Story

When I first created my blog so many years ago I did it as an assignment in a photojournalism class I took in college. Other than myspace I'd never kept a blog and after the class was over I didn't use it anymore. I took it up again later mostly just because I wanted a place to write. Now, many years later, it's turned into a place to share with friends and family mostly photos of my baby boy along with my thoughts on life and how things are going. It's kind of replaced letters I guess. I started this blog separately as a way to write again just for myself and not for anybody else. Now that everyone reads my blog I have to be careful about what I say because they all have opinions on it. I think that's a good thing but I'd also like a place to just write without fear of sounding stupid or if people like my blog or not or possibly offending anyone even.

A House Divided

SIDE ONE

Ariel Castro is a monster. He is pure evil. Only someone inhuman could do what he did to other human beings. To rape and torture and starve and abuse and kill for 10 years straight...there is no excuse, not reasoning behind it. Only evil. He is one of Satan's minions doing his work here on earth. I believe most people are a mixture of good and evil and have to choose one or the other. I believe most "bad" people have good in them but have chosen the wrong things. However, I also believe there are some "people" in the world who really have no souls, who are purely evil and there is no good in them. Castro is one of these. I do not know if these people are born with souls and something happens or they lose them along the way or if they never had one to begin with. All I know is they exist and Castro is one of them.

SIDE TWO

Perhaps something did happen to make Castro this way. He still had to make the choices he did. Nobody forced him to do those things. But perhaps it made the choice harder due to abuse and porn addictions that basically broke something inside of him. Broke his soul and his mind. It's the cycle of abuse you hear so much about. But the choice must still be made with each new person. Will these girls end it? I hope so. They are going to be broken and messed up forever but they can turn it into something good if they choose. Use it to help others.

State of My Year

So far this year I've met almost none of my goals. Haven't worked out all year until just the last week but I guess what matters most is right now. No reason to wait till 2014 to start if I can do it now. I have been working at the ranch which I like well enough...mostly I like my boss and I like that there is no stress. Dealt with some pretty severe anxiety and panic disorder this year but am trying to get things under control. Most of this is thanks to Josh...he's pushed me to go to church and get involved and to work out and get some of that pent up anxiety out that way. Plus lots of love and sex. He's amazing. Still hate talking to people. I don't call or txt as often as I had planned because I just don't want to. Justace has been growing up and I've been trying hard to create memories with him.

Life After Blogs

If I lost my computer I don't know how I would live. There would be no Sims, no e-mail, no online reading. I wouldn't be able to just google anything I had a question about anytime. Scrapbooking would be harder since I couldn't just print out photos and words and graphics anymore. I'd probably subscribe to more magazines. I'd read a lot more and watch more TV and movies. I would probably socialize more. Hang out with others...play games and what not.

A Friend in Need

My closest friend is my husband. We've had so many good times together for so many years. Between high school football games and homecoming dances where we tried so hard not to step on each others' feet. Hanging out at his house and at mine after school. Hanging out with other friends at night eating frozen custard. Visits in between my going to college and his coming home on leave from the Army. Oh, how sexy he was. Still just friends...but a girl can look, right? Long late night phone calls about everything from his sexcapades and drunk nights to the night when some guy broke my heart. Then his decision to move in with me and the feelings that developed between us. The passion. The love. The total and complete trust. The fights later on and the fun times in Vegas. The heart break and drama of a long distance marriage. The tears and strong tie during some really tough life times. Between a horrible car accident and financial troubles and the birth of our first child. My handsome sexy army man who has been my best friend since high school. The laughs. The jokes and smiles and long talks. We may be completely different from each other but I think we complement each other perfectly.

The Stat Connection

I don't blog as often as I should and my blogs aren't that popular and don't have that many readers. Mostly I use my blog as a way to practice my writing and try to write daily and also as a way of updating friends and family of what is happening in my life or a way to vent about things. However, I was playing around and found I can look at my stats page for my blogs. So...the top 3 most popular blog posts of all time for my Great Adventure blog are:

1. Top Reasons I Decided to Join the Air Force

2. Prepping and books

3. Justace Drake Jackson

I honestly am not sure why these posts are the most viewed. The third one I get because it was the first post with photos after I had the baby and everyone wanted to see those and Josh was telling everyone to go look. The Air Force one maybe just because people were curious to know why join? It's not really like me and might have shocked some of my friends and family who didn't understand what I might be thinking. The prepping and books post I have no clue unless people were interested in my comments on books. If that is the case perhaps I should do this more often? I finally got my Fifty Shades book back today that I left in Salt Lake City so I can turn that in and after August 1st pay off our fines on it so I can start reading again. I've missed reading.

I think perhaps things I blog about that interest other people in some way is a good thing? I'm always just thinking about myself in my writing and not what other people might enjoy reading about. I should work on that.